the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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