dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
