I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
