Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
