may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
