Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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