I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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