Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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