Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
