I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
