I bet he comes in French.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
