please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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