dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
