if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
