I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
