Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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