Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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