She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
