I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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