can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
