I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
