C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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