I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
