I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
