Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
