Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
