The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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