I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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