You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
