i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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