I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
