Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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