Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have aggressive nipples.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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