Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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