i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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