she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude i'm inner monologue high
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
