We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
