I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
