Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
