If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
