She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize