I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
