I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
