why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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