Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
