Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
