I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
