no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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