I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
