I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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