does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
