Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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