okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Found your dick twin last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
