I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He? As in you personified your dick?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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