You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
