haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
