I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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