Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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