The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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