will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
