Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
