I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
