I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
