i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize