I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
