sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
