Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
