Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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