Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
