My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
