We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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