I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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