if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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