Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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