Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
