i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize