I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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