the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
