At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
