Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
