We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
